Domination in sports doesn’t come along very often, but when it does, it comes in many shapes & sizes. Track & Field? Usain Bolt or Ed Moses for starters. Tennis? Mr. Roger Federer ladies and gents. The nominees for “Best Strike Attack Ever” are: Malcolm Marshall, Michael Holding, Joel Garner & Courtney Walsh (apologies to Alan Igglesden). Football? The Shankly/Fagan era Liverpool. End of list. And as for the greatest sport of them all? Hulk Hogan circa Wrestlemania 3, naturally.
In the NFL a number franchises stake a claim to be considered the biggest and best. And the six-time champion Steelers, out of Pittsburgh in sunny Pennsylvania, are among those who are genuine contenders for the ‘Greatest of All Time’ crown. The Steelers made their name in the 1970’s with mean, hard nosed, championship winning football personified by a crunchingly brutal defense known as The Steel Curtain run by a man named Mean Joe Green. And lets face it kids, you don’t get called Mean Joe unless your idea of a good time is punching yourself in the face repeatedly whilst listening to Slipknott. On repeat. Yep, Pittsburgh is a tough, no nonsense steel town. So think Sheffield. Only a successful version.
Or put it another way: If your idea of a romantic comedy is Saw 5, then the Steelers are the team you’ve been looking for all these years.
As well as being a big sports city – alongside the Steelers, the Penguins & the Pirates have had their moments, though the latter is currently playing marginally better ball than my softball team the Chevy Chasers -record (Played : 15/Won : 1/ Lost : 14) – Pittsburgh is known for its glowing contribution to one of man’s most profound inventions: Fast Food. Home of the Big Mac and legendary Sandwich makers the Primanti Brothers, if you like your chow with questionable origins, you’re in business. It’s also the hometown of Andy Warhol, who allegedly was a tough tackling linebacker destined for NFL greatness, but chose to be the voyeuristic king of Pop Art instead. A dilemma currently being faced by Clay Matthews.
They’ve also got the 3rd best-named footballer in the league. And like any NFL star worth his salt, star receiver Hines Ward has his fair share of nicknames including Ketchup (Hines. Geddit?) and Psycho (as in Psycho Ward) presumably because he’s mad as a stick. But you didn’t hear that from me. Ward is the perfect mix of skill, athleticism and toughness, and perhaps most importantly always plays the game with a big fat grin on his face. Which of course, has the dual effect of winding the hell up out of his opponents and their fans. His never say die attitude typifies the fighting spirit that personifies the Steelers, and his veteran leadership in the locker room ensures that his influence will carry on long after he hangs up his mouth guard.
The Jets/Steelers clash on Sunday night promises to be a close affair, with the ultimate prize in sports awaiting the winner. By ultimate prize in sports, I mean a spot in the Super Bowl BTW, not a private mud-wrestling lesson with Kendra, Kim Kardashian and any other busty model whose first name starts with a K.
It’ll be messy – as two of the leagues meanest D’s beat the living crap out of each other. Much will depend on which QB can handle the pressure – and in Ben Roethlisberger, the Steelers have one of the best in the business at (libellous comment removed). Mark Sanchez, the young Jets slinger, is now officially the most exciting QB ever in the history of the world after taking down the vastly more experienced and successful Tom Brady last week, but he’s far from the finished article that every media outlet in New York would have you believe.
The cast of characters is as full, varied and compelling as an episode of The Wire. Braylon Edwards? The beleaguered wide receiver who as likely to drop a ball right on the numbers as he is to catch it. There should some kind of tie in with a Vegas Casino – Braylon: Catch or Drop? I can see it at the MGM now. We’d hire Lindsay Lohan to be guest croupier on the launch night. Millions would exchange hands over the course of the year. Then there’s Troy Polamalu. The best hair in the business. Although a poor second to the early 90′s Waddle mullet. 
Naturally with a barnet like that Troy plays at Safety – which is the de facto position for the player who has the best combination of agility and “smash me in the face with a 4×4 and I’ll ask for another” toughness. He missed the last game between these two – and for that to have happened, he must have drilled a 10-inch screw underneath his toenail. By accident. And who will Darelle Revis, the best cornerback in the modern game, who incidentally possesses the best nickname in the history of sports ever (Revis Island) be covering? Man to Man? Why, Hines Ward of course. I just love the symmetry.
Dense sub plots and deft nuance? In a blue-collar smashsville of a game. The irony wouldn’t be lost on the Hulkster, that’s for sure.
I’ll be presenting the 2011 AFC Championship between Pittsburgh Steelers & New York Jets on BBC Radio Five Live Xtra from 11.00pm on Sunday 23rd January.
